Most people need love and acceptance a lot more than they need advice. – Bob Goff/Image Credit: tiemaoanh

Ever noticed how some people love giving advice like they’re Oprah on a mission to make your life better? Maybe it’s you. Yes, you, with all your helpful pointers and well-intended suggestions. Advice givers seem genuinely nice, don’t they? Like they just want to help you break through your barriers or level up in life. But here’s a twist: what if they’re not just trying to be nice?

Dr. Art Markman sums up a fascinating series of studies in Psychology Today. Led by researcher Michael Schaerer, these studies expose an unexpected reason people love to offer advice: it makes them feel powerful. No, not the kind of world domination power, but a subtler, ego-boosting sway over life.

How Giving Advice Makes You Feel Like a Boss

Schaerer’s studies worked like this: in one experiment, participants either thought about a time they gave advice or just a normal conversation. Then they measured how powerful each group felt. Surprise! People who recalled dishing out advice felt way more powerful.

Then, two other studies dug deeper: Are people who crave power more likely to throw out advice? Yup, you guessed it. The more someone wanted an ego bump, the more they transformed into a human advice dispenser.

The final study hit hard: Participants were told that their advice was either read or ignored. Giving advice did make people feel powerful, but only if they thought the advice was accepted. When ignored? Their confidence took a nosedive.

Dr. Markman interpreted this elegantly: Giving advice, even with the best intentions, isn’t just about helping others. It’s about the feel-good cocktail of having influence and authority.

So How Does This Play Out in Real Life?

Let’s flip this around. Suppose you’re the advice giver. Sure, Schaerer’s findings suggest that sharing your wisdom might genuinely boost your self-confidence. Imagine mentoring someone and feeling the satisfaction that comes with guiding their path. Your advice could uplift, inspire, and build connections. Great, right?

But here’s the uncomfortable truth: If you’re constantly advising someone, you’re nudging them to feel inferior. They might need your insights, sure, but they might also start feeling less competent, and that’s not a great vibe for any relationship.

How to Give Advice Without Making People Feel Inferior

Balance Advice with Positive Feedback
If you really can’t resist sharing your pearls of wisdom, make sure you uplift the person at the same time. Talk about their potential or highlight strengths that can make your advice actionable. This way, you still get to feel influential, but your listener leaves the conversation feeling empowered, not diminished. And who knows? They might even brag about your stellar advice, opening more doors for you to share.

Ask for Permission
“Mind if I share a thought?” That’s all it takes. Sure, there’s a chance they might say no, which might bruise your ego a tad. But giving them a choice makes them feel respected, which increases the odds they’ll actually take your advice seriously. People love having agency, so why not give them that?

Check Your Ego at the Door
Craving power can be intoxicating, but you can’t be the guru of everything. Be brave enough to let others shine or lead. Listen more, trust more, and learn from those around you. People are more likely to respect your opinions if you come across as humble and open-minded rather than controlling.

And If You’re the One Bombarded with Advice?

Instead of rolling your eyes when someone tries to “help” you, remember that they might feel powerless in some aspect of their life. Knowing that could take the edge off your irritation. Sometimes, the best gift you can give an advice-giver is a little acknowledgment: point out their successes, let them lead a bit, or just make them feel seen. The more empowered they feel, the less they’ll try to act like your personal life coach.

So, whether you’re doling out wisdom or dodging it, keep this power dynamic in mind. Balance, humility, and a splash of kindness go a long way in making everyone feel respected and confident—no overbearing advice necessary.