Crakk is absolute crap, declares Mayur Sanap.

Sometimes mere words cannot describe something adequately to pinpoint just how idiotic and vapid some film experiences are.

Witnessing Vidyut Jammwal’s action shenanigans in Crakk: Jeetegaa… Toh Jiyegaa is one such grim occurrence.

The man who has created his own sub-genre in Bollywood within the action cinema umbrella has publicised his latest outing as ‘India’s first ever extreme sports action film’. Forget extreme sports, this one serves as a blueprint of exactly how not to make an action film in general.

Jammwal plays Siddhu, a stunt performer from the slums of Mumbai who aspires to win the elusive action game called Maidaan.

The mastermind of this game is Dev (Arjun Rampal), who runs this extreme underground sports club, among other illegal activities, in Europe.

Siddhu is hand-picked to participate in the show. Soon, he realises that Dev has links with the mysterious death of his elder brother Nihal (Ankit Mohan), who lost his life during the same show a few years ago.

What follows is the done and dusted tale of man-on-mission who would stop at nothing until revenge is met.

The writing here is, pure and simple, awful.

Director Aditya Datt and his team of three writers (!!!) — Rehan Khan, Sarim Momin and Mohinder Pratab Singh — seemingly assembled at a table and designed a series of supposedly jaw-dropping stunts with the rest of the film haphazardly built up around it.

But even the so-called high scale action set pieces are unimaginative, bereft of any tension.

The frenetic edits during these scenes only add to the frustration with the cinematography that gives cheap, washed-out look of old video games.

All this is further hamstrung by laughably bad acting, silly dialogues (‘You’re married to the game now. So please be royal in this relationship’) and heroines that are mere arm candy objects.

Nora Fatehi is cast as a social media influencer named Alia, who is in love with Vidyut’s Siddhu.

She is given to showcase her dance moves and to look anxious when the stunt is happening. She excels at former and fails miserably at the latter.

Amy Jackson plays a cop named Patricia whose character serves no purpose in the film besides looking glamorous in a police uniform.

Arjun Rampal takes on the villainous character but comes across as rather bland in an underwritten part.

Most of heavy-lifting is left for Vidyut to do, whose tapori dialect is somehow worse than his acting prowess. He does action, dance, drama, comedy, and yet even his brawny shoulders can’t carry the weight of this damp squib.

With no redeeming qualities whatsoever, Crakk is absolute crap!

Crakk: Jeetegaa… Toh Jiyegaa Review Rediff Rating: