How to Reclaim Your Inner Gold

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How to Reclaim Your Inner Gold

“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.” ~Joseph Campbell

“Our deepest calling is to grow into our own authentic self-hood, whether or not it conforms to some image of who we ought to be. As we do so, we will not only find the joy that every human being seeks—we will also find our path of authentic service in the world.” ~Parker Palmer

When I was young, I was creative, independent, and assertive. My days were spent climbing trees, building forts, and catching water striders in creek beds.

My best friend Rita and I were raised by strong feminist women (also best friends)—who laughed loudly, smoked cigarettes, and rolled their eyes at waiters who dared to call them “ladies.” We roamed our neighborhood unsupervised, stood our ground alongside our older brothers, and marched with our moms for equal rights and pro-choice. Life felt boundless and alive.

But midway through fourth grade, my family moved to a more conservative, upper-class town, and suddenly, I felt out of place. Gender roles were more traditional, the people preppy, their houses spotless, and I—with my dirty nails, shabby clothes, and tomboy energy—didn’t fit in.

I began to feel awkward, gruff, and insecure in this new environment. I realized that my directness and assertiveness were seen as “unfeminine,” and my expressiveness made me “stick out.” So, I tried to suppress those parts of myself.

I started trying to be less opinionated, more agreeable, and quieter. I even tried to dress the part, though my limited clothing budget betrayed me—it’s hard to pull off “preppy” when your wardrobe is from Dress Barn. Despite my efforts to fit in, something within me pushed back—and that resistance eventually grew into rebellion.

By middle school, it took the form of an eating disorder—a self-destructive attempt to gain some sense of control. By high school, my rebellion had evolved into a party-girl persona, seeking validation and freedom in ways far removed from the carefree, confident child I once was—even though my behavior may have appeared carefree and confident on the surface.

Marshall Rosenberg, the founder of Nonviolent Communication, once said, “Never give them the power to make you submit or rebel.”

Both submission and rebellion are reactions to external expectations, not authentic expressions of who we truly are. In either case, we allow our conditioning to shape our behavior, dimming our true light. I refused to submit, but my rebellion took its toll, causing me to lose touch with the vibrant and authentic parts of myself.

I’ve been on a long road of healing, gradually reclaiming the qualities I once rejected and learning to see them as strengths. So, I was surprised recently when a good friend described me as “direct,” and a wave of shame washed over me. Though he intended it as a compliment, that simple moment reminded me of how deeply I had internalized the belief that my directness was “bad.” It brought me back to the years I spent silencing parts of myself that once felt so natural.

This experience made me reflect on how, as we grow, so many of us lose touch with our unique gifts—those innately radiant qualities that make us who we are. We unconsciously resist embodying these traits, hiding our power to fit in, avoid judgment, and protect ourselves from rejection.

Jungian scholars often call our hidden positive qualities—our untapped potential, creativity, and strengths—the “Golden Shadow.” While many associate the “shadow self” with darker impulses, the shadow encompasses all parts of ourselves that we’ve repressed or rejected, including our inner gold.

As children, we absorb countless messages from family, society, and peers about what is acceptable and what is not. Over time, we internalize these messages and suppress the aspects of ourselves that we perceive as undesirable.

Being direct, assertive, and expressive didn’t align with the ideal feminine image I thought I was supposed to embody. Even as I adopted a more rebellious persona—one that supposedly didn’t care—I still felt deep shame about these qualities and continued to reject them.

But the positive traits we disown are often the very ones that, when reclaimed, lead to greater agency, wholeness, and connection. Interestingly, we tend to resist these traits more than the ones we view as negative because stepping into our power and potential demands a new level of responsibility—and that can feel intimidating.

In my journey, I’ve learned that embracing qualities like directness and assertiveness has made me feel more empowered and impactful. I now have greater clarity, am more authentic, and can better support others. But it took years to overcome the resistance and shame these qualities once elicited.

Embracing our radiant qualities requires stepping into the fullness of who we are, even when it feels uncomfortable. It’s through becoming comfortable with this discomfort that we unlock and express these hidden aspects of ourselves. It all begins with the willingness to look within, acknowledging the qualities we’ve disavowed or projected onto others.

Here are a few exercises to help:

Look at What You Admire in Others

The traits we admire in others often reflect those we most wish we could embody. The next time you feel awe or envy toward someone, ask yourself: What about them draws you in? Are they confident, creative, compassionate, or direct? These qualities are likely part of your Golden Shadow, waiting for you to reclaim them.

Ask the People Around You

Reach out to friends and family and ask them what they see as your strengths. Pay attention to the traits they recognize in you that you may not. Sometimes, we need others to reflect our brilliance because we’ve learned to hide it so well.

Reclaim Through Reflection

Take moments throughout your day to notice when you feel especially capable or proud of something you’ve accomplished. What strengths were you embodying in those moments? Was it creativity, assertiveness, or perhaps empathy?

Visualization and Integration

Once you’ve identified these qualities, bringing them into conscious awareness, you can begin integrating them through visualization. Imagine yourself fully embodying the qualities you’ve rediscovered in your Golden Shadow.

Notice what emotions come up—embarrassment, fear, self-doubt—and allow them to be present. Welcome those feelings and let them know you are ready to embody these new traits, no longer held back by shame.

You can also practice a future-self visualization: Picture yourself living out your potential, embracing these golden qualities. Visualizing in vivid detail helps anchor these traits in your mind and prepares you to step into them in real life.

Take Action

Start small. Identify one quality from your Golden Shadow that you most want to bring into your life. Take a small step each day toward expressing this quality. For example, to reclaim your directness, practice being straightforward and honest in your communication, even in small interactions. Gradually, it will feel more natural.

The journey to reclaim our inner gold is one of self-discovery and integration. What parts of yourself have you hidden away? What positive qualities are you ready to embrace, even if it feels uncomfortable? The world is waiting for you to shine in your fullest, most authentic expression.